“Why do bad things happen to good people?”

The truth of this statement only applies to one person: JESUS.

A sinless, perfect, holy and just man who was cruelly crucified on the cross, subject to whippings, slaps, taunting shouts by an angry mob, betrayed by his friends…

If I were to receive what I truly deserve, it would be hell fire. I may not murder, steal, commit adultery with another man… but the very sin of unforgiveness, envy, lust, disobedience to parents and an idolatrous heart would have caused me to break 5 of God’s commandments already. His standard for holiness is not ceiling-high, it’s sky high, way past what men can humanly achieve… No matter how we try to “correct” our mistakes or punish ourselves, it would not be enough to merit His forgiveness and acceptance…

It is grace

At this very second, I’m battling a splitting headache, dizziness and terrible nausea. I had prepared dinner just hours earlier while struggling with this weakness and horrible, yucky feeling…

Most people who don’t know me well enough will not know that I’m battling with this insidious illness called SLE. A flare will bring symptoms such as a sore throat, ulcers in the mouth, joint pains, dizziness, headaches, confusion, depression… but what is more serious is when your immune system starts attacking the important organs in your body.

God has been so merciful to me and my blood tests have always come out “Excellent”… I am way better off than many other sick people who have to undergo chemotherapy or dialysis… Honestly I don’t know how they cope 😥 

But still, there are crosses to bear… I find that this illness does affect me cognitively at times. I feel confused and a little scared when I drive at times cos I will suddenly feel as though I may bang any random car while parking, or feel lost at an unfamiliar place. This doesn’t happen often, thankfully.

Then there are evenings when I am awake, unable to find a position comfortable enough to sleep due to the fibromyalgia that plagues my neck and upper back… or I’m standing over the sink retching away…

But I don’t know what else I could attribute my normalcy in living to, except God’s amazing grace.

Most days, I am upbeat, up and about teaching, cooking/baking over the weekend, meeting up with friends for meals, going for walks, swimming, gymming, serving in Sunday School with rambunctious children 🙂 … 

Amazing. I wouldn’t have thought that possible a year ago.  

The chorus of this song by Phillips, Craig and Dean expresses my life right now:

Joy unspeakable that won’t go away
And just enough strength
To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
‘Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

When I first started this blog, I didn’t know how personal I wanted my postings to be… 

I really don’t know if I’ll live to 37, 57 or 77… 

But if God has placed us here as an open book to the world, then I had better be a real and true open book… I cannot portray my life as a picture-perfect canvas. There will be flaws, failures, mistakes, disappointments and heartbreaks. 

This blog is going to be a journal about how God makes a difference to this journey. 

He is the difference

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