When Reality Sinks In…

The past few days have been a little rough for me physically. Nausea, headaches, dizziness and unusual fatigue and weakness in body.

How do you explain fatigue and body aches to people you don’t know very well? (I’ve just got to learn humility and accept being misunderstood as lazy or irritatingly-frail).

I don’t know what triggered this emotion, but the reality that this illness may be something I have to bear with for the rest of my life finally hit me this morning…

Of course I was aware of that when I was first diagnosed with SLE. When I saw drastic improvements in my last health check, I asked the doctor how I would know when I am healed. And she said, “One does not get healed from SLE. You mainly aim to remain in remission.”

Of course, there’s the GOD factor in it, too. God can, and will deliver me from this body of pain and wretchedness. Either in this life or eventually, through death I be granted a perfect body. ūüôā May God be glorified through this.

As for now, there is no answer and there is always the possibility that this may be a cross I will need to carry until the day I leave this earth.

But there is also the hope that God will, by His miraculous power, heal me completely and supernaturally.

It’s been quite the journey but God has truly seen me through, as evident even as I read past Facebook updates a year ago.

April 15 2012 ¬†“For my anchor holds, blow your wildest then O gale, on my bark so small and frail, by HIS grace I shall not fail…”

April 21 2012 ¬†The Lord has positioned in my life many people who have loved, encouraged and blessed me in ways that I do not expect nor deserve. My heart’s desire is to be a blessing in return…

May 1 2012  There are things in my life which I struggle to understand now, but perhaps one day I will look back and see the fingerprints of God in every page.

May 31 2012  Meditating on 1 Pet 5:5-10. God, I know that You will not give me anything that would hurt me, and neither would You withhold anything that will be good for me. Therefore whatever You have apportioned for me now, is Your good and perfect and loving will. I trust You with all of my heart.

July 10 2012 ¬†“Dedication to high goals brings struggle and opposition. But with it comes a newfound joy, not only the joy of achievement but the joy of a newfound strength, a strength gained in conflict and experience. Sometimes happiness comes as a result of knowing misery, sorrow, pain, and suffering.¬†Pleasure may be derived from sin, while happiness arises from the struggle to overcome sin.”¬†-Helen Andelin

Aug 3 2012 ¬†If God ever blesses me with a son, I’ll name him Jabez. (inspired by the painful shingles episode)

Aug 16 2012 ¬†“Perseverance is a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you are tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired.”

Aug 28 2012 ¬†Just had one of the most meaningful conversations with a dear friend. I’ll be one happy girl if any of my life experiences are of benefit to others…

Sept 1 2012   The less I have to boast of myself, the more will I have to boast in Christ. May I decrease so that He may increase.

I’m glad I’m journalling my thoughts here, may it be a testament to God’s care and faithfulness when I look back in time to come. ¬†And it’s you, faithful and dear readers, who have kept me writing… Appreciate you all!

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