Taken from the Readers Digest magazine (March 2014)
When the Washington Post challenged its readers to supply alternate meanings for any word in the dictionary, entries included:
Coffee (n): A person who is coughed upon.
Flabbergasted (adj): to be appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Balderdash (n): A rapidly receding hairline.
Esplanade (v): To attempt an explanation while drunk.