I think a missionary could be one of the most misunderstood and lonely creatures on earth.
You are not understood in your new home, for obvious reasons – the vast differences in language and culture. But more than that, the very ones you serve are the least aware about your needs, struggles, and all the risks you have taken and are taking to do the things you do.
On the other hand, people back home would find it difficult to place themselves in your shoes. They usually see you as some super-sacrificial, brave superhero or, as a foolhardy risk taker who gives no thought to safety, precaution and forethought.
There is a very fine line between foolish risk taking and moving by faith, and sometimes all we do is move a step at a time, trusting God to lead us.
We are far from superheroes. I still cry a lot from homesickness and loneliness. I struggle with selfishness and apathy and impatience. I often have to ask the Lord for the love I do not have. I have never felt so wretched in the entire of my Christian life.
Paul Washer says this well, “There is no such thing as a great man of God, only weak, pitiful, faithless men of a great and merciful God.”.
I guess I’m writing this, in hopes that I would be able to explain how I’m feeling and thinking right now to someone who would perhaps, be able to catch a glimpse and understand.
That I may know I am not alone…