Feelings of inadequacy & ‘unusefulness’ have been my common enemy here on the mission field. I am not physically strong, do not appreciate being under the hot sun & am simply not the go-girl kind who lives on adventure and change. I value family life and it’s strong traditions and thrive on constancy. With all those pulled away from under my feet, I often feel out of place, trying to find a constant and steadying place to find my balance.
Recently, I was surprised with some very precious gifts from our dear Dayak friends and team members on my birthday. I did not expect anything, as usually, the person with the birthday is in fact, expected to throw the celebration if he so wished & come out with all the provisions needed for it.
So when Hengki and susi came bearing sweet home-made gifts and letters, I was touched deeply. The letters were simple and heartfelt and reflected humility and gratitude that blessed me . I am grateful for their love & acceptance of who I am, especially when I know that my flaws would be more evident to them as we work closely together as a team. I felt the love and respect they had for us expressed through every word. God certainly used those letters to encourage and speak to my heart.
Recently the Lord has been teaching me to yield my need for approval and recognition and to instead be seeking to please Him above all else. Why has it taken me so long to learn? It’s a wonderful thing to want to be the kind of wife and friend that seeks to make others happy and feel good about themselves but it also has the ugly and dangerous tendency of becoming an idol when I become more concerned about their opinions and feelings about me more than anything else.
Teach me to be a woman of God who is strong and courageous . Let me be a woman who fears God and stands sure in confidence knowing that she has found favour in His sight.
This is the woman I want to be.