It Should Not Have Been Me

It should not have been me.

I have all the reasons why:

– a 6.5 month postpartum body isn’t the ideal home for a new seed to grow.

– I’ve just recovered from a Caesarean section, postpartum depression and postpartum weight! 😅

– my now 8 month old son is at a stage where he’s eager to learn, active and isn’t keen on staying still or taking regular or long naps during the day. It’s hard to care for him while having morning sickness, dizziness, nausea and vomitting and oh, those tummy aches! Na-ah!

– we are just at the end of our somewhat furlough and transitional period, and pow-pow, suddenly we are thrown aback by this surprise. We didn’t have this in our equation or plan.

– I’ve been warned by the doctors to not be pregnant for at least 2 years because I have SLE.

All my reasons could go on, and on and on…

You know them all.

And yet You still chose me.

There are so many women wanting to be in my position. They seem to be so much more ready, qualified, and so much more adequate than I. It almost feels like a cruel joke, when one gift is denied to a person who desperately longs for it and instead, lavished on someone else who did not ask for it nor is grateful about it.

And yet…

Deep in my heart…

I know You are weaving a beautiful, sacred gift and You have honoured me to be the vessel to bring forth this precious one into the world.

I can’t imagine the plans the Lord has for you, and how you will be such a wonderful addition to our family of three.

Little One, you are given by God.

You are loved, you are precious, and you are God’s blessing to mummy, daddy and your koko David.

Love you, little one. ❤

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