Mummy Reflections 

Was just chatting with my mother this evening about how depressed I was in the first two months of motherhood. It felt like my life was over for real! I couldn’t eat, bathe, sleep or go out for errands in peace! 😂

I didn’t feel good – I was tired all the time, I was struggling to produce sufficient milk for my baby and I had tremendous aches and pains in my body. I often struggled with panic attacks in the middle of the night which would lead to breathlessness, nausea and gastritis. 

I didn’t look good – I still looked pregnant even after 3 months postpartum. Even now at 5 months postpartum, I still have a slight pooch. But it was tough then, to be reminded by some people that I was fat.  🤣 nevertheless, it gave me some perspective to how overweight people might feel about themselves since I’ve been scrawny all my life.

I feel so much more settled and at peace as a mother now. I’m so thankful that David is growing well overall though we still do have hiccups along the way. 

Talking to a friend who just gave birth less than a month ago made me recollect back my earlier months as a newbie mummy and I  realise again how important it is to be there for your friend, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law etc when they have just had a baby. With hormones going out of whack and the tremendous emotional and physical upheaval that pregnancy and childbirth brings to a woman, she just needs encouragement, love and support.

For me, I’m so thankful when I recall the different women who have encouraged me by their words of assurance. They humbly shared with me their challenges and struggles in the past too, and that made me feel less of a failure while comforting me that baby, daddy and I would get through that phase. 

Some things I especially appreciated during those moments

1. Food delivery by my mother and mother-in-law –  that helped tremendously since we did not employ a confinement lady or help with the baby. 

2. Text messages from mums near n far to check on me, while offering advice when necessary. 😆

3. A very very supportive, loving husband who assured me when I felt fat, ugly, hormonal…  (you get my drift). He was my anchor during the lonely nights when baby was difficult or when I was unwell. For this, I will always be grateful.

4. An aunty who would always drop by with whatever I needed. You name it, she had it. 😀 just having that person whom you feel comfortable enough to ask for help means a lot. 

5. Kind nurses from the Klinik Kesihatan who came to check on me the first month post delivery.

6. People who went out of their way to be a blessing to us, special shout out to my brother Sam who was our runner boy for the time he was here in penang ❤ also friends and relatives who went through the trouble of helping us get used/new clothing, baby paraphernalia, etc… 

It truly does take a village to raise a child! 

Looking back, I am grateful I went through the challenges I did, so that I can be hopefully, a more understanding person to all the women in my life who have become mothers. It also makes me respect and love my mother more deeply for all the sacrifices she has made for me and for my family. (she had 4 Csecs okay, don’t play play) 

So go show the new mummies and daddies you know some love – I am sure it will be appreciated and remembered. 

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Three Months into Motherhood 

And it does get better! My mummy friends are right! It really does become easier to care for the baby after the first three months. Phew! I think I also become less oafy and inexperienced as time goes by. 😀 

David at 3 weeks. (Photo credits : Karen Sim from the K – Studio)

As with life in general, motherhood has its ups and downs. Thankfully, I believe there are more ups than downs. I’ve also come to terms with the immense (and irreversible, haha!) changes this precious little nugget has brought to our lives. 

Acceptance in our lot in life brings peace.

I would like to quote what mother and writer Liz Wann says from an article I read today on the Desiring God blog.

“When we got home, he would be up all night crying; I would be crying too. When evening creeped in, I would dread the coming hours. My own body turned against me as well. As my changing hormones raged inside me, I felt lonely all the time and cried a lot for no reason. This was supposed to be a joyful season of life-giving nurturing, but I felt like I was dying.

I had expected to spend my days celebrating new life, but instead found myself experiencing a feeling of death. This shocked me, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. As often is the case, death precedes life. It’s a pattern that God weaves into our lives. It’s the pattern Jesus left behind for us as well. His life shows us that we must die in order to experience any true life in our hearts. As Paul says in Philippians 3:10, “that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.”

We must become like him in his death to know the power of his resurrection. This is true for martyrs being burned at the stake and for new mothers facing sleepless nights. It is true at the end of our lives and throughout our days on earth. We must bury ourselves like a grain of wheat, so our death will bear fruit (John 12:24).

As soon as a baby comes into this world, it cries for its mother. This requires much bending and breaking from us. Our independence is being killed all the day long as we die to some of our old ways to take on a new role.

But through the dying, beauty is birthed. God uses the curse of death to bring new life. And it’s the only way to the joy of true life. As Paul says, “For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:21–22). Because of the second man, we now have resurrection in our souls, because “our inner self is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).

But first we must be crucified with Christ (Galatians 2:20). God uses the death found in motherhood to lead us to life. Though it feels like we are being killed all the day long, he is renewing us inside. When we embrace the daily deaths we face as mothers, we can humbly offer our struggles to God. He will meet us in our depression, anxiety, stress, sleep deprivation, anger, frustration, and lack of patience. This is exactly where he wants us. This humble embracing of death is fertile ground for new and deeper life.”

This is the link to the original article – 

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/every-good-mom-dies

I’m grateful for where I am at now. Really enjoying time with David, he’s at this stage where he is able to already communicate joy and excitement with his eyes, body language and smiles.

He really loves being talked to, carried around and shown different things, and throughly enjoys human interaction. 

Especially ‘talkative’  in the morning, and at midnight after his final feed. 

Celebrating my birthday with baby David for the first time!

The cuddly koala 🙂

What are the odds of both husband and wife scoring free Boost Juices because they share the same Chinese name? (not surname!)

The Last Time 

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms, you will never be the same.

You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.

So while you are living in these times,
Remember there are only so many of them
And when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.

-Author Unknown-

Photo credits to Karen Sim from The K Studio for this lovely image!

Reflections of a Rookie Parent 

1. You are never the same, ever again. Even if people have told you that in the past, it never quite sinks in till it happens to you. 

2. Baby’s sleeping time is a precious commodity. Treasure and use it wisely. 

3. I have never felt this helpless before, especially in the first few weeks of navigating through understanding baby’s cry. (its not always as simple as checking for feeding, soiled diapers, colic or baby’s  temperature. It could be many other things. Humans are complex creatures. Let us not forget that.) 

4. There will be many opinions pushed upon you. But ultimately, you learn by trial and error what works for baby, and yourself. Just as we are all different in temperaments and needs, so is every child. 

5. Working together as a team with your spouse in caring for the baby strengthens you not only physically, but also emotionally. Laughing together when baby does his projectile poop and pee makes cleaning up more bearable. Going through sleepless nights with bleary eyes. Figuring out baby’s needs when he is upset. So grateful for an incredibly supportive husband and super hands-on dad. 

6. You will somehow feel a greater closeness with other mothers like never before. So grateful for mummy friends who uplift and encourage (that includes some of our daddy friends too!). Whether it is checking on baby products or ways to handle a diaper rash, they are able to offer tips that they have tried with their own children. 

7. Every mother especially I think, will feel inundated by guilt (not making enough milk, not spending enough time with baby, doing too much, doing too little. It can be anything!) So please, please, try to be as encouraging as you can. It is very daunting to be a first time mother. Every eye is on you, watching, and you fear that they are silently judging you too. (boo hoo hoo!) 

8. That being said, you have to be patient first with yourself, patient with your baby and patient with the people around you. Hehe! 

9. There is no perfect parent. We just learn to be less imperfect parents. Ha ha! 

10. We learn about God’s love for us. How He loves us tenderly, faithfully and unconditionally. Nothing can make Him love us more or less. We can rest in the knowledge of His unchanging character. 

Well, here are just some musings as I pump and make fruitful use of baby David’s sleeping time! 

The ‘Mummy Look’  

The title makes me smile (I’m thinking Egyptian mummified Pharaohs, perhaps not too far off from my current physical appearance, lol!) 

{Note the inside out T-shirt and the designer bags under my eyes.} 

I’m consciously reminding myself to enjoy this season with my newborn. Though the nights can be long, the days will pass swiftly, and if I do not treasure this moments, they will soon be gone.