It Should Not Have Been Me

It should not have been me.

I have all the reasons why:

– a 6.5 month postpartum body isn’t the ideal home for a new seed to grow.

– I’ve just recovered from a Caesarean section, postpartum depression and postpartum weight! 😅

– my now 8 month old son is at a stage where he’s eager to learn, active and isn’t keen on staying still or taking regular or long naps during the day. It’s hard to care for him while having morning sickness, dizziness, nausea and vomitting and oh, those tummy aches! Na-ah!

– we are just at the end of our somewhat furlough and transitional period, and pow-pow, suddenly we are thrown aback by this surprise. We didn’t have this in our equation or plan.

– I’ve been warned by the doctors to not be pregnant for at least 2 years because I have SLE.

All my reasons could go on, and on and on…

You know them all.

And yet You still chose me.

There are so many women wanting to be in my position. They seem to be so much more ready, qualified, and so much more adequate than I. It almost feels like a cruel joke, when one gift is denied to a person who desperately longs for it and instead, lavished on someone else who did not ask for it nor is grateful about it.

And yet…

Deep in my heart…

I know You are weaving a beautiful, sacred gift and You have honoured me to be the vessel to bring forth this precious one into the world.

I can’t imagine the plans the Lord has for you, and how you will be such a wonderful addition to our family of three.

Little One, you are given by God.

You are loved, you are precious, and you are God’s blessing to mummy, daddy and your koko David.

Love you, little one. ❤

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Thoughts on Injustice

It will always seem as though the good guy finishes last, and that there is no justice on earth. 

But I know the God who is the avenger of the weak, the meek, and the helpless who cannot speak for themselves… 

It is a far more terrifying thing to mistreat that sort of people, for behind them is the God of wrath and justice, the Father of the fatherless, the refuge to the lowly, the Word that promises this – 

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19 ESV

It may seem like a never ending battle on this side of eternity. Turning the other cheek, not returning evil for evil, and the need for unending patience, hope and perseverance. 

But He is faithful, He will help His remnant endure until the end. 

{especially remembering those who have to live under seeming injustice & unfairness in this lifetime} 

Blessings (Laura Story) 

We pray for blessings, 

We pray for peace, 

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep. 

We pray for healing, for prosperity, 

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering. 

All the while, You hear each spoken need, 

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things. 
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears, 

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near. 

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise? 
We pray for wisdom, 

Your voice to hear. 

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near. 

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love, 

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough. 

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we have faith to believe… 
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops, 

What if Your healing comes through tears, 

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near. 

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise… 
When friends betray us, 

When darkness seems to win, 

We know that pain reminds this heart, 

That this is not, this is not our home. 

It’s not our home… 
What if my greatest disappointments

Or the achings of this life, 

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy. 

And what if trials of this life, 

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights, 

Are Your mercies in disguise…