Reflections of a Rookie Parent 

1. You are never the same, ever again. Even if people have told you that in the past, it never quite sinks in till it happens to you. 

2. Baby’s sleeping time is a precious commodity. Treasure and use it wisely. 

3. I have never felt this helpless before, especially in the first few weeks of navigating through understanding baby’s cry. (its not always as simple as checking for feeding, soiled diapers, colic or baby’s  temperature. It could be many other things. Humans are complex creatures. Let us not forget that.) 

4. There will be many opinions pushed upon you. But ultimately, you learn by trial and error what works for baby, and yourself. Just as we are all different in temperaments and needs, so is every child. 

5. Working together as a team with your spouse in caring for the baby strengthens you not only physically, but also emotionally. Laughing together when baby does his projectile poop and pee makes cleaning up more bearable. Going through sleepless nights with bleary eyes. Figuring out baby’s needs when he is upset. So grateful for an incredibly supportive husband and super hands-on dad. 

6. You will somehow feel a greater closeness with other mothers like never before. So grateful for mummy friends who uplift and encourage (that includes some of our daddy friends too!). Whether it is checking on baby products or ways to handle a diaper rash, they are able to offer tips that they have tried with their own children. 

7. Every mother especially I think, will feel inundated by guilt (not making enough milk, not spending enough time with baby, doing too much, doing too little. It can be anything!) So please, please, try to be as encouraging as you can. It is very daunting to be a first time mother. Every eye is on you, watching, and you fear that they are silently judging you too. (boo hoo hoo!) 

8. That being said, you have to be patient first with yourself, patient with your baby and patient with the people around you. Hehe! 

9. There is no perfect parent. We just learn to be less imperfect parents. Ha ha! 

10. We learn about God’s love for us. How He loves us tenderly, faithfully and unconditionally. Nothing can make Him love us more or less. We can rest in the knowledge of His unchanging character. 

Well, here are just some musings as I pump and make fruitful use of baby David’s sleeping time! 

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Thoughts on Injustice

It will always seem as though the good guy finishes last, and that there is no justice on earth. 

But I know the God who is the avenger of the weak, the meek, and the helpless who cannot speak for themselves… 

It is a far more terrifying thing to mistreat that sort of people, for behind them is the God of wrath and justice, the Father of the fatherless, the refuge to the lowly, the Word that promises this – 

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19 ESV

It may seem like a never ending battle on this side of eternity. Turning the other cheek, not returning evil for evil, and the need for unending patience, hope and perseverance. 

But He is faithful, He will help His remnant endure until the end. 

{especially remembering those who have to live under seeming injustice & unfairness in this lifetime} 

​To say that ‘Jesus is the reason we celebrate’ goes further than ‘Hooray, we wine, dine & celebrate because it’s Jesus’s birthday!’ to 
He is the reason we want many more to come to that joy of knowing and loving Him. 
To truly celebrate {and treasure} Jesus requires more than a metaphorical birthday cake and the blowing of candles.
It is remembering the reason to why He came and aspiring to do as He did.

Christmas 

Christmas – Jesus is the reason we celebrate. So what’s next? 

We have parties, we celebrate. 

We post photos of clinking wine glasses, glittery tinsel and bountiful spreads of food surrounded by friend and kin. 

But why did Jesus come? 

So we could have another reason to party, shop for new clothes and have a good time? 

I hope we all (including me) truly learn to embrace the true spirit of Christmas by emulating the Man who is the reason for Christmas. 

Here’s a reflective poem my dear husband wrote many years ago on Christmas day. 

Like the sand, they spread across the beach

Twas’ the night before Christmas, the crowds gathered for

Some choose to spend it with friends

Some with loved ones

All are looking for something to do on Christmas day
Amidst the joyous echoes of Christmas carols

Empty heart are crying out

Eager eyes, look toward the sky,

Looking for hope,

Looking for something to do on Christmas Day
Many do not know, the man that was born this day

Many do not know, the sacrifice he made

Many do not know, the story of love, the story of the cross

Many are just searching for something to do on Christmas
As the clock ticked pass midnight, the crowd began to cheer

Joyous celebration of a day they did not know

Would they still shout, would they still sing

If they knew what they were celebrating for

Or are they just here because they have nothing better to do on Christmas Day
Many do not know, the man that was born this day

Many do not know, the sacrifice he made

Many do not know, the story of love, the story of the cross

Many are just searching for something to do on Christmas
Who will tell them about the Christ in Christmas?

For there is no Christmas, without Christ

And the many can stop searching for something to do on Christmas

Because it would just be another day without Christ

His Approval

Feelings of inadequacy & ‘unusefulness’ have been my common enemy here on the mission field. I am not physically strong, do not appreciate being under the hot sun & am simply not the go-girl kind who lives on adventure and change. I value family life and it’s strong traditions and thrive on constancy. With all those pulled away from under my feet, I often feel out of place, trying to find a constant and steadying place to find my balance. 

Recently, I was surprised with some very precious gifts from our dear Dayak friends and team members on my birthday. I did not expect anything, as usually, the person with the birthday is in fact, expected to throw the celebration if he so wished & come out with all the provisions needed for it.

So when Hengki and susi came bearing sweet home-made gifts and letters, I was touched deeply. The letters were simple and heartfelt and reflected humility and gratitude that blessed me . I am grateful for their love & acceptance of who I am, especially when I know that my flaws would be more evident to them as we work closely together as a team. I felt the love and respect they had for us expressed through  every word. God certainly used those letters to encourage and speak to my heart. 


Recently the Lord has been teaching me to yield my need for approval and recognition and to instead be seeking to please Him above all else. Why has it taken me so long to learn? It’s a wonderful thing to want to be the kind of wife and friend that seeks to make others happy and feel good about themselves but it also has the ugly and dangerous tendency of becoming an idol when I become more concerned about their opinions and feelings about me more than anything else. 

Teach me to be a woman of God who is strong and courageous . Let me be a woman who fears God and stands sure in confidence knowing that she has found favour in His sight. 

This is the woman I want to be. 

I’m Tired Today 

Today’s one of those days where I’m so tired that I can’t even cry. 

Our life here sometimes feels like an Amazing Race or a Survival Boot Camp except that our challenges do not last for a month or two. They are continual, this is a marathon. 

It’s just one of those days where we are both battling a cold and tired from a long trip back home. The soldiers at the border did not treat us well this time & were expecting a bribe during this festive season. It was stressful and very draining

We came home to find an unexpected water disruption and for the past 2 days, I’ve not been able to cook or clean and our laundry from the past 4 days (we have been away & I’ve also had to change our bed linen) is accumulating – 2 baskets full. The weather has been harsh with very little or no rain, and this exacerbates our physical discomfort and makes recovery slow

I’m feeling tired, disorganised and disoriented. 

This is just one of those days. 

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Pray for us.