When a Former Student Remembers You 

It makes you feel valued, cherished… 

Especially when you are so far away from home and sometimes feel forgotten and irrelevant to the people back home. 

It’s nice to be remembered, and missed. 

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I’m Tired Today 

Today’s one of those days where I’m so tired that I can’t even cry. 

Our life here sometimes feels like an Amazing Race or a Survival Boot Camp except that our challenges do not last for a month or two. They are continual, this is a marathon. 

It’s just one of those days where we are both battling a cold and tired from a long trip back home. The soldiers at the border did not treat us well this time & were expecting a bribe during this festive season. It was stressful and very draining

We came home to find an unexpected water disruption and for the past 2 days, I’ve not been able to cook or clean and our laundry from the past 4 days (we have been away & I’ve also had to change our bed linen) is accumulating – 2 baskets full. The weather has been harsh with very little or no rain, and this exacerbates our physical discomfort and makes recovery slow

I’m feeling tired, disorganised and disoriented. 

This is just one of those days. 

I hope tomorrow will be a better day. Pray for us. 

True Love

A true gentleman will treat ALL women with respect and honor, whether he finds them attractive or not. {The same principle goes for us women}.
James 2:1-13

That’s how you spot the gems among us 🙂

Find someone who loves even when it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, unrewarding; and you would have found a person with the capacity to truly love.

No Man’s Land

Whenever I come out from Kalimantan into Malaysia (be it Kuching, KL or Penang), I always feel slightly lost and dazed the first day. The bright lights of a supermarket, the big roads, luxurious houses and bathrooms (what you see as a common home bathroom is pure luxury to us, i.e sinks and taps, a sitting toilet, shower) all leave me slightly bewildered…

And yet, whenever I return back to Kalimantan, I go through the adjustment period all over again. The long drive home through the windy, narrow roads past little villages, going into an extremely small town with very, very few conveniences and amenities, also leave me feeling a little lost and sad. Thank God for my husband who really is my home and brings comfort and stability to this pining heart who really, does not fully belong in one place anymore.

In Malaysia, I no longer speak bahasa Malaysia but Bahasa Indonesia. But in Indonesia, my foreign accent and occasional fumbling of words give me away that I’m not one of them.

Nick vowed that in our marriage, we would be as Pilgrims, never quite having a place of our own. But I’m thankful that God gives us His grace to follow through what we have promised, to each other, and to Him.

I am thankful for the angels He places, the hospitality shown to us wherever we go. The kindness we experience mainly out of brotherhood in Christ, for we have no earthly, material blessing to leave them. But they continue to show graciousness and generosity to us.

Many people ask me how I do it. I don’t know the answer. If I were to think about being in Kalimantan for the rest of my life (goodbye to comfort forever, raising children away from our parents and family, no proper schools etc…) i would be fearful and unable to continue on. But God grants His daily bread which includes His grace apportioned for this day to obey Him. I obey Him a day at a time. That’s how I’m able to remain there, and do what I’m doing.

I just do it a day at a time.

What is True Feminism?

Women get all indignant and upset when men make comments such as “she kicks the ball like a girl”, but don’t we realise we do the same when we say “You have nice handwriting for a guy!” and express surprise, as though all boys are expected to have incorrigible handwriting just as all women are expected to be poor drivers.

We truly champion for womanhood when we come alongside the men in our lives and support them. That’s what we were created to do since the beginning. I see it as no inferior position. God gave us the privilege of bearing children. He made us delicate, more refined in features and figure (aren’t you glad you aren’t born with hairy chests and toes?!) Haha! God gave us a sensitive heart and mind that would be able to discern needs that men are sometimes oblivious to.

God made men less emotional and gave them stronger minds so that they would be able to lead and provide stability to the people they lead.

Why do we want to compete with one another when we can see how both strengths and weaknesses are designed to complement, complete and fulfill our respective roles?

We are most woman when we fulfill the roles we were created for.

The world says fight for your rights, the Bible teaches us to lay down our lives.

Why is it that we go “awwwwww, so touching” and get teary eyed when we witness a man, on his knees, proposing marriage to his girl? Have we ever complained about gender equality then?

We don’t, because we see the preciousness of a man laying down his life for the woman he loves.

Look around you, and you will see the most beautiful among us are those who have sacrificed and given their all. They are the ones who have taught us what it means to have truly lived.

Quoting Gandhi and Ray Comfort (and a little of my own thoughts)

Mahatma Gandhi –
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

Ray Comfort’s response –

“Mr Gandhi, did you ever say that you were God in human form, or did you still a storm with your voice, walk on water, raise the dead, and perfectly predict the future?

Were you morally perfect – in thought, word, and in deed?

Did you warn that you would raise all humanity from the dead and judge them? Did you raise your body three days after your death, and ascend into Heaven?

Unless I’m dreadfully mistaken, you did not. Then you too, sir, were so unlike our Jesus. You too were a sinner, desperately needing God’s mercy. I hope you were trusting in Jesus on that fateful day when death suddenly came to you. We will find out on judgement day.”

With new scandals of fallen pastors, church leaders, it is no surprise that many are put off by the gospel and by anything church and Christian. We truly deserve to be ashamed of ourselves.

Before we start dirt flinging and stone hurling, we should take a look at our own lives and hearts.

Do we secretly covet the same fame, status and popularity those ‘superstar’ pastors possess?
Do we cherish secret sins in our lives?
Do we view our sheep as a means to our gain? Perhaps in covert ways, preaching in such a way to gain favour with audiences rather than seeking to be true to the Word. Perhaps using the people we serve as ways to find our validation and approval.

There are so many ways, we are also prone to fall if we do not keep watch.

Many times we think, only the pastors, church leaders and missionaries have to keep watch. But we are all soldiers in a battle! But sometimes when I look around at ourselves, I think we are a whole bunch of distracted soldiers, drunk, carousing with pleasures, seeking for every opportunity of pleasure, entertainment and comfort for the flesh. Being on the mission field may take me away from these temptations, but they do not necessarily weed out these fleshly desires from me.

We have to be on guard.

But to my fellow friends, who have yet to come to accept what I believe in, I would beg you, please let it not be because of our failures that you turn away from seeking God and knowing Him for yourself.

It is like refusing to put on a parachute in an aircraft emergency, simply because you’ve been sickened by fellow passengers who merely pretended to put them on.

Ignore them, put it on anyway!

If we really love Christ and His people, we must endeavour all we can to live in a way that will draw others closer to Him.

Lord, help me.

Musings of an Inexperienced Missionary

I think a missionary could be one of the most misunderstood and lonely creatures on earth.

You are not understood in your new home, for obvious reasons – the vast differences in language and culture. But more than that, the very ones you serve are the least aware about your needs, struggles, and all the risks you have taken and are taking to do the things you do.

On the other hand, people back home would find it difficult to place themselves in your shoes. They usually see you as some super-sacrificial, brave superhero or, as a foolhardy risk taker who gives no thought to safety, precaution and forethought.

There is a very fine line between foolish risk taking and moving by faith, and sometimes all we do is move a step at a time, trusting God to lead us.

We are far from superheroes. I still cry a lot from homesickness and loneliness. I struggle with selfishness and apathy and impatience. I often have to ask the Lord for the love I do not have. I have never felt so wretched in the entire of my Christian life.

Paul Washer says this well,  “There is no such thing as a great man of God, only weak, pitiful, faithless men of a great and merciful God.”.

I guess I’m writing this, in hopes that I would be able to explain how I’m feeling and thinking right now to someone who would perhaps, be able to catch a glimpse and understand.

That I may know I am not alone…