There are very obvious conclusions we can make from Pastor Koh’s recent kidnapping. I am incensed and heartbroken. But at the same time, I pray for half of this man’s spirit. I hope we will not cower in fear when such times come upon us, but that we would be the Daniels and Esthers of our generation.
Feelings of inadequacy & ‘unusefulness’ have been my common enemy here on the mission field. I am not physically strong, do not appreciate being under the hot sun & am simply not the go-girl kind who lives on adventure and change. I value family life and it’s strong traditions and thrive on constancy. With all those pulled away from under my feet, I often feel out of place, trying to find a constant and steadying place to find my balance.
Recently, I was surprised with some very precious gifts from our dear Dayak friends and team members on my birthday. I did not expect anything, as usually, the person with the birthday is in fact, expected to throw the celebration if he so wished & come out with all the provisions needed for it.
So when Hengki and susi came bearing sweet home-made gifts and letters, I was touched deeply. The letters were simple and heartfelt and reflected humility and gratitude that blessed me . I am grateful for their love & acceptance of who I am, especially when I know that my flaws would be more evident to them as we work closely together as a team. I felt the love and respect they had for us expressed through every word. God certainly used those letters to encourage and speak to my heart.
Recently the Lord has been teaching me to yield my need for approval and recognition and to instead be seeking to please Him above all else. Why has it taken me so long to learn? It’s a wonderful thing to want to be the kind of wife and friend that seeks to make others happy and feel good about themselves but it also has the ugly and dangerous tendency of becoming an idol when I become more concerned about their opinions and feelings about me more than anything else.
Teach me to be a woman of God who is strong and courageous . Let me be a woman who fears God and stands sure in confidence knowing that she has found favour in His sight.
This is the woman I want to be.
We’re pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who’ve gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God’s sustaining grace
Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who’ve gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we’ve left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find
Let it not be said that You could not find someone who would willingly take up the cross and follow You…