Thoughts on Injustice

It will always seem as though the good guy finishes last, and that there is no justice on earth. 

But I know the God who is the avenger of the weak, the meek, and the helpless who cannot speak for themselves… 

It is a far more terrifying thing to mistreat that sort of people, for behind them is the God of wrath and justice, the Father of the fatherless, the refuge to the lowly, the Word that promises this – 

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Romans 12:19 ESV

It may seem like a never ending battle on this side of eternity. Turning the other cheek, not returning evil for evil, and the need for unending patience, hope and perseverance. 

But He is faithful, He will help His remnant endure until the end. 

{especially remembering those who have to live under seeming injustice & unfairness in this lifetime} 

When Words Fail

My heart broke at the sight of her shaven head. Where beautiful black hair was once her feminine adornment, a simple black hat now covered her head.

Lord, what just do I say?

Words are so feeble.

Just what do I say to bring comfort or hope, without sounding hypocritical or clueless about her suffering and pain?

I’m afraid of throwing spiritual clichés at her.

God, help.

What do you say to a woman who has just been sexually abused by her own father?

God, what???

I sometimes forget that you grieve and hurt more over the abuse and pain inflicted on your children than the victims or I do.

Had I remembered your tears at Bethany then maybe I would have understood.

God, help.

You have shown me hope and purpose even through this illness and heartbreak, how do I share this hope and life and peace You have given me?

You’ve got to help me.

For those who have suffered so much more than I have.

Lost a spouse.

Undergoing chemotherapy.

Losing a breast because of the ugly, ravaging disease called cancer.

Raising a child with special needs.

I am inadequate for I have not suffered in such a magnitude.

Your road to Calvary Lord, has to be the answer.

Lord, please.

Please be the answer to them today.

Rainbows

“When a Christian consciously sees the smile and love of God during troubles, the true glory and beauty of that Christian’s life is shown to the world. Do you see only the rain of your current circumstances? What suffering are you wasting? As you trust His promises, God gives grace to triumph over circumstances so your suffering shines with His resurrection power. Will you purposefully look to see God’s glory revealed to you in your current trial?” -BSF Lesson 9 Series 1

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It has been a tough week, a week of failure, disappointment and frustration. I cannot ever remember taking failure so bad as I did last week. It felt like a slap in the face and definitely a wound to my pride. Pride. Never thought pride was one of my struggles since I wasn’t a very confident person anyway. HAH! How wrong I was.

I was talking to a friend one evening, who happens to have a similar medical condition as I do. As we were talking about the possible challenges the illness could bring to other aspects of our lives, I was telling him how I felt God was teaching me patience and humility though the blows I have been experiencing lately. Blows in my health, personal life and even in my work. It seemed like before I got over one challenge, another one was waiting for me… It really takes patience to bear these punches in stride, and humility to accept them while rejoicing with those who are experiencing the blessings that you have been waiting to have. He responded to me by saying, “I am so jelak of eating humble pie” (which literally means, he has humble pie coming out of his ears!) I could relate. I am sure some of you can too, right! I don’t think God is angry when we tell him that we have humble pie coming out of our ears, though He may lovingly respond, “It is good for you, my dear.”

Dear God, I desire to be brought into Your green pastures and still waters. Help me not to waste this season, by only looking at the rain and grim circumstances. Let me be reminded by the rainbows of Your promises that better days are to come. Better days, not because I receive what I want, but better days because I learn to want whatever You desire me to have.

To desire the things that are truly important.

And then, I shall truly not be in want.

“Why do bad things happen to good people?”

The truth of this statement only applies to one person: JESUS.

A sinless, perfect, holy and just man who was cruelly crucified on the cross, subject to whippings, slaps, taunting shouts by an angry mob, betrayed by his friends…

If I were to receive what I truly deserve, it would be hell fire. I may not murder, steal, commit adultery with another man… but the very sin of unforgiveness, envy, lust, disobedience to parents and an idolatrous heart would have caused me to break 5 of God’s commandments already. His standard for holiness is not ceiling-high, it’s sky high, way past what men can humanly achieve… No matter how we try to “correct” our mistakes or punish ourselves, it would not be enough to merit His forgiveness and acceptance…

It is grace

At this very second, I’m battling a splitting headache, dizziness and terrible nausea. I had prepared dinner just hours earlier while struggling with this weakness and horrible, yucky feeling…

Most people who don’t know me well enough will not know that I’m battling with this insidious illness called SLE. A flare will bring symptoms such as a sore throat, ulcers in the mouth, joint pains, dizziness, headaches, confusion, depression… but what is more serious is when your immune system starts attacking the important organs in your body.

God has been so merciful to me and my blood tests have always come out “Excellent”… I am way better off than many other sick people who have to undergo chemotherapy or dialysis… Honestly I don’t know how they cope 😥 

But still, there are crosses to bear… I find that this illness does affect me cognitively at times. I feel confused and a little scared when I drive at times cos I will suddenly feel as though I may bang any random car while parking, or feel lost at an unfamiliar place. This doesn’t happen often, thankfully.

Then there are evenings when I am awake, unable to find a position comfortable enough to sleep due to the fibromyalgia that plagues my neck and upper back… or I’m standing over the sink retching away…

But I don’t know what else I could attribute my normalcy in living to, except God’s amazing grace.

Most days, I am upbeat, up and about teaching, cooking/baking over the weekend, meeting up with friends for meals, going for walks, swimming, gymming, serving in Sunday School with rambunctious children 🙂 … 

Amazing. I wouldn’t have thought that possible a year ago.  

The chorus of this song by Phillips, Craig and Dean expresses my life right now:

Joy unspeakable that won’t go away
And just enough strength
To live for today
So I never have to worry
What tomorrow will bring
‘Cause my faith is on solid rock
I am counting on God

When I first started this blog, I didn’t know how personal I wanted my postings to be… 

I really don’t know if I’ll live to 37, 57 or 77… 

But if God has placed us here as an open book to the world, then I had better be a real and true open book… I cannot portray my life as a picture-perfect canvas. There will be flaws, failures, mistakes, disappointments and heartbreaks. 

This blog is going to be a journal about how God makes a difference to this journey. 

He is the difference